Idk.

Okay a bit emo but its been on my mind the past week.

Are most of my relationships with people surface relationships? I wish to be able to confidently call someone my best friend and know that there would be at least one person who would listen to my stories and help me out during times of trouble. People just give me the ._. face a lot when I talk about issues and stuff.

The only person who has stuck by me, listened to all my stories, taken my crap, gone through ups and downs with me are my mother and I really owe it all to her. She's truly my best friend even though sometimes I get so agitated with her or I piss the hell outta her.

Is it me or is it the people I'm around? Is it me who gets terrified when I'm close to someone? Cause something I realized is that whenever I get extremely close to someone and I'm always happy to be around them, we end up drifting apart. Happened many a times and I always get pulled down because of that.

I think its me but i dont know. I will find someone someday. I will patch up relationships to the best of my ability. I will try my best to be a good friend. I'm sorry to all my friends.

I'm admire my sister's relationship with her friends. Her friendships are never surface friendships but they run deep. Especially JAWS. Even though they all parted schools and one even went overseas, they talk like they see each other everyday. I really look up to their friendship.

I want to go back to when i was in primary 6. When I could always rely on my group of 10 and they were my best friends. They were my source of comfort and source of joy, always there for me and playing during recess and there for me when I was facing problems. I miss how we used to be. Now i'm so confused. damn.